GIT MA HAND OUT MA POCKET!

I for the life of me can't get right when it comes to money management!

I'm the prime example of living paycheck to paycheck and I make enough not to.
During college I wrote so many bounced checks, that one company threatened to send an officer to my job and arrest me. I was so scared, I called in sick the next day. Then when I learned it was but one example of the many trickeries bill collectors do to scare you into paying them, I kept on writing checks. I've just finished paying off all my debt (except for school loans of course) earlier this year. I have no credit cards, so I've had to get skilled in the art of money finagling.

Over the years I've had many lessons learned in this battle between banking systems and my check card. I'm so deep in the trenches now that I have mastered the art of finagling most retail and grocery stores, especially when payday is peeping from behind the corner with it's tongue sticking out, teasing the shit out of me. I take their products and they get their money later...

It takes about two days before a check hits my account. I will write a check for a pair of shoes, with NO money in the bank.

I will order $14 worth of chinese food for delivery, with $4 in my account because their system can't identify exactly how much I have in my account. They take it three days later.

I know all the local restaurants that accepts checks.

I will pay the water & PG&E bill, check by phone because it takes a week before it posts.

I pay the gardner in two installments so I can buy clothes.

Gap and Banana Republic caught on and they do e-checks now...I stay away when I'm broke.

If my account becomes overdrawn, I call customer service and give them so much hell that they reverse the charges.

All my bills are paid over the phone or electronically because I don't trust myself to actually write a check and send it in the mail. It takes too long! I'll use the money for clothes before it reaches the payment center.

I make a budget for each paycheck. Good right? Nope. The purpose of the budget is to see how much money I'll have left over to shop with and what bills can wait until the next pay period. When payday arrives, my check card sends this high pitched, piercing signal to my brain that only turns off after I buy something that I know I shouldn't. I hear it when I'm broke too.

I'm now waiting for 7pm to arrive, so I can order these shoes in tan. It won't hit my account until midnight, which is the exact same time direct deposit takes posts. This confuses the system, so it accepts deposits first then the withdrawl.

Please don't ask how I figured this out. It was late and I couldn't sleep....

Maybe it's time to seek help.