CRASH & BURN
My arms are covered in hives from being overstressed, overworked and sick with a sinus infection. The right side of my face has two zits that won't go away. I need to wash my hair, but don't have the energy or desire to. I haven't shaved my legs or underarms in months. My eyebrows are three days away from connecting. My fingernails need to be cut. The nailpolish on my toes have chipped into a leopard print fashion. I haven't been to the gym in two weeks. I haven't cooked in months. I had two MacDonalds fish sandwiches in one day. My house is dirty. My cat's litterbox needs to be cleaned. My nose is running. Big Dick Munchkin won't stop calling.On Sunday, I was invited to go to a house party where Jr. Gong Marley was supposed to show up at, but I didn't feel confident enough to go. Instead I spent the weekend on my couch trying to pin point which orifice this negative energy is seeping itself into.
Not quite sure if it's the negative energy or just life that's taking its toll on me.
My mother won't take care of the business going on in Jamaica and she won't let me take care of it. I can see them now sitting tall, thinking they won and ran us off the property. She's not a fighter. She lets people get to her and she gives up. It makes me sick. Can't talk to her about it because she gets on the defensive. My father's way of handling it is alcohol induced self medication until he passes out. The longer they ignore the situation, the harder it will be for me to straighten things out. If something should happen to them, I'll be the one who has to take this shit on. Not my weak, lazy, weed head twin brother.
I can't take compliments anymore. Some random guy at the grocery store told me I have a pretty smile. I frowned at him, rolled my eyes and continued looking for tv dinners to buy. I've gone on a series of shopping sprees, knowing I can't afford it. I have more clothes than I do hangers. The clothes are piled over my closet door. I've yet to wear them.
January was hell and February seems to be no different. Ever since I got back from Jamaica, things haven't looked up. Maybe I just need to get laid.
This negativity has got a serious hold on me.
I'm going down a serious negative slope and my hands are tired of hanging on.
posted by Chubby Chocolate @ 8:35 PM
18 Comments:
At 11:29 PM,
Fresh said…
In the words of the great American poet, George Clinton, "Give up the funk!" Girl, you've got it bad and I've been there before. Take your hands off of your parents problems and let them deal with it. If it should reach a point where you have to clean up their mess then deal with it then. Worrying about it now is doing nothing for you but making you sick. I had hives last year...definitively stress related. One step at a time in order to climb out of that funky pit...it's hard. Sometimes waiting it out just digs you deeper in. Isolating yourself is the worst thing you can do. Try shaving your legs and pits, getting waxed and 'cured and going out with people who make you laugh and smile. That is the best medicine. Keep your price tags and receipts...you may decide to take those clothes back if they are going to make you feel worse about your problems. Then you can treat yourself to a shampoo and style from a nice salon. You probably just need a need some pampering. You've been doing alot lately. Take care of yourself...I'm worried about you. (((Chubby)))
At 9:26 AM,
LadyLee said…
CC...
Wooo, wooo, wooo...
**Ladylee rubbing CC's back**
I agree with Berry...
Chubby, let your folks handle them problems in Jamaica. I don't know the whole situation, but YOU deal with that ish if it comes to that... Take your hands off of it. You and your health should be your priority... Hives and stress can turn into some other ailments real quick.
And do yourself a favor and take a day to go out and get yourself pampered... Someone once told me "When you look good, you feel good."
Keep ya head up, ma!
At 11:14 AM,
Anonymous said…
Getting laid is the last thing that needs to happen! *shut up Zed*
I agree with Berry & ladylee, do your girly maintenance...get comfortable with yourself.
...and return those clothes mama!!!! Get your money back and head over to Good Vibrations..(you get money back from returning clothes, you get to spend A LITTLE money, and you get and orgasm!)
This is winter blues in full affect...!!
At 1:11 PM,
Butterfly Jones said…
Get thee into the light girl. You need fresh air and sunlight. You Aries like me, so one, so if you're not fucking, you have to exercise to blow away the cobwebs and the tendency to be down if not active, two, you don't stop until you crash and burn; you're sick, single, so you have to take care of yourself. You can't get well on junk, so ditch it, plus it makes the moods even more funky. Fresh soups, cheese on toast, lots of fruit and water. Get that big dick man or someone to bring you something hot and healthy - ask someone to help you, just like I know you would be the first to offer to help them (another Aries thing, we don't like to ask). Once you're feeling good, deal with the fuzz and you will go to the ball again. BIG HUGS and a KISS on the opposite cheek to the zits (I had a big one on my NECK last week when I was sick!) Come back fabulous girl!
At 5:12 PM,
The Brown Blogger said…
And then, get laid.
At 5:50 PM,
Knockout Zed said…
You need to remain celibate and meditate.
*Hassan took my line, I had to say something*
KZ
At 4:25 AM,
Anonymous said…
Get well soon! I hate the winter blahs. Take a shower with an aromatic scrub like Lemon Verbena, or Orange Vanilla. In light of the hives, you might want to use Aveeno's Lavender Body wash with oatmeal. (Shave later...don't want to over do it..just keep it all clean). Moisturize and put on an actual coordinating outfit and shoes. Drink some hot water with lemon (natural antibacterial properties) and make a simple list of things you need to do for the day. (List has to be short, like 5 items, and they have to put you and your needs first.) Move through your list taking breaks when you need to just rest. I thought all this was a bunch of garbage until I hit a low point and actually tried it...whaddya know, it works. It's just a simple way of moving through the basics when you just want to stay under the covers. Feel free to tell people you're just doing you...cause YOU'RE WORTH IT. I'll have my therapist add this session to my bill. Keep writing, me and my girls love your site.
At 7:09 AM,
Mrs A. said…
ooh, u sound like me this time last year. all i can say is the funk will usually run its course and eventually you will get tired of yourself then BAM!! it all goes away...till then, eat choclate, watch tv, sip wine and relax. its winter so who cares, but round mid-march-shake it off and get moving!!!
At 7:16 AM,
Ms.Honey said…
Dang woman, get yourself together. Nah but for real, sometimes I get in a funk and then realize that's I can't stay there forever.....pop those zits, clean the house or whatever ya got to do to start the ball rolling.....but know that we look forward to your blogs lol so you can't drown in sorrow forever lol....take is easy
At 8:13 AM,
PAINKEY said…
everyone has already given good advice. I would return the clothes, call a maid service with the refund money and go get a massage, facial, pedicure, waxing,
and get my hair did.
One thing I like to use for my face is this item I find at Krogers and some Wal-Marts have them, the brand is got 2 Be. its an apricot and tea tree scrub for the face. smells so good and works good too. keeps it clean.
then i use this cream from avon called anew, small little thing, they have a day and night one. use either, they both work great. I usually put that on before my make up and it looks good.
those zits and hives are from stress so try to de-stress yourself. when i get depressed, what I do to get out of it is
GET PISSED!!! that really motivates me.
as for the things with your parents, I would probably want to leave it up to them, but I would do what ever needed to be done behind there backs. If it dont work out in their favor, at least you tried, better than doing nothing at all.
Take care chubbs,
turn that frown upside down!!!
At 10:49 AM,
The_Practitioner said…
You what chubster? Sometimes it is what it is. Sometimes you just gotta say fuck it. And when all else fails, just kick the cat. Trust me that shit will make you feel all better.
Happy V.D. Chubbs.
your brother in celibacy,
Serial "fuck them haters" Dater
At 4:01 PM,
Abeni said…
Uh Oh.Sorry to hear but this too will pass.Just try not to get too depressed and remind yourself that you can't solve everybody's problems.Feel better soon-you hear
At 10:40 AM,
sammie said…
aww chubby!!! I come back from my long absence to find u in a terrible funk!! You can always come to California and laze around the beach!!!
I know how u feel, we all go through those moments in life, you just seem to DESCRIBE them so much better!
It'll all work out, let yr family worry about themselves. Sometimes, even when u are a giving person who always works to help others...you have to give all of that up and take care of #1 and no one else. That is what you need to do, do things for yrself...and I agree with Berry when in a funk we tend to let go of everything. A little self pampering can go a lonnng way regarding getting outof the funk!
We all love ya, feel better!!
At 8:28 PM,
cassy said…
There must be somthing going around. I've been in a similar funk. And it sucks.
I highly recommend the maid route. I got one a while ago and it relieves some serious stress. I just don't care enough to do it.
I hope you feel better soon, Chubby!
Hang in there.
At 10:38 PM,
ChezNiki said…
Hang in there, Gurl. I know all too well about parents that wont take care of their legal issues which affects the rest of us. You did the best you could, but they are grown; they have to do the rest on their own.
...about the funk, I co-sign all the self care. At the very least get your feet done (ghetto reflexology)...or go for a spa trip complete with a full body massage. Then you can get the tension out AND have someone touch your whole naked body, all in one fell swoop, LOL
At 3:13 PM,
Haley said…
Chubs,
Try not to let it get the best of ya. You're too much fun to let all that get you. Fuck everything..and just try and piss out the negativity before it gets ya too much more!
Haley
At 11:40 AM,
brooklyn babe said…
Hey Hey - Whoah Whoah Chubster...
I'm a lil late... here, but still got a penny or 2 to say:
First off, let's get them brows done.... (so when we lookin the mirror, we won't see Herman Munster)
Next off, let's take a weekend, and pamper ourselves, no calling cards (to JA) allowed... you know do the toes, wash the hair, clean the place up slowly, but surely....
Cook sumptin, even if frozen, its u who will be nupin in the micro..
Then I don't know what's best for JA biz, as that's fam, but is their something "beauractic" you can do on your end, w/o them, like writing a letter, or making a few phone calls in their honor, for their own good, whether they want you too or not.
If not, let it go, its not your battle... can't take on the whole world babes, (for no one else)
Last off.... as much a "dyck" seems like a rememdy for many, it just sound like you nned to shut everything out, to get back to your everyday comfort level of complaining...lol.
Love ya... Chin UP!!! Your prettier that way!!!
At 12:27 PM,
Anonymous said…
Don't dwell in negativity, everyone gets in a funk but find your own personal way to give yourself sunshine. Me, I'm selfish I think of all the cats that aint make it, and the ones who made it alive and free yet probably are somewhere scraping together funds to get a forty or cleaning a bathroom for 5/hr. it may be superficial but it prides me to know my kids don't have to grow up as I did and that gets me through the day. Clean up, dress up, jump in the benzito and go floss somewhere. And aint nothing wrong with getting a good sticking but don't sell yourself short lady--you a whole lot better than that.
*off soapbox
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