ATLANTA BOUND

It's too early Sunday morning and in about four hours I'll be catching a cab to the airport, heading to the ATL.

I'm sure I've mentioned the CDC fellowship I'm starting. For one week, every other month, they will assist me with creating an effective intervention for Women of Color in HIV/AIDS prevention. Yeah, I know it sounds like some serious shit, which is why I'm having anxiety overload, insomnia, mud butt and there's a looming dark gray cloud of failure hovering over me.

I'm feeling as if I'm taking on too much and I need to cut something loose. This is a big commitment and working one more than full-time job and one part-time job, volunteering, cleaning the house, cooking, spending time with parents, friends, and breathing...It's becoming too much. My plate is spilling over. One of the downfalls of being an over-achiever. When I take on something new, I magnify the negative possibilities...Inevitable Milestones, my aisssss. What if I get there and can't even survive the week? What if I fall out from anxiety in front of the Scholars? What if the plane crashes?

Alright Chubby. Focus on the positive. I'll be in a nice hotel for one week. I can take extra long showers. I'll get a new laptop.I'll be in a new environment. Possible prospects to increase my currently scant stable. I'll meet new people in my field. I can go shopping in a new mall. It's the week before payday, but I managed to save $100 for this week, then I checked the mail today and found a check for $100 from a bill I accidentially overpaid last summer.

I'm still in the process of packing my bags. I took a break to watch the Zab Judah fight. I won't give it away for avid boxing fans. Now I'm composing a checklist to try make sure I don't forget anything in the midst of my breakdown

# Pack my bags....CHECK
# Clean the cat box....CHECK
# Sip a little bit of Jamaican rum creme to cool my nerves....CHECK
# Clean the house....CHECK
# Post notes all over the house, reminding my brother to feed Pooter....CHECK
# Buy new contacts....CHECK
# Wash clothes....CHECK
# Jack off to cut some of the edge....CHECK
# Change the greeting on my office phone....CHECK
# Calm the fuck down....

Relax. Relate. Release.