NO NEW ADVENTURES TO REPORT

For the first time, I'm typing and I have no idea what I'm going to share. No other Chubby adventures have jumped off so far this month. As usual work and family life has kept me away-OK I'm lying, I just didn't pay my internet bill because I spent too much money on clothes this month. I can't blog at work because I'm actually working, but I paid the bill today, so I'm going to share some snippets of events that's happened:

Smile!
I have two cavities. I've always been good about brushing my teeth. I also take a daily swig of Hydrogen Peroxide to keep them white. The last time I went to the dentist (before this morning) was in 2000. I now have 8 cavities in my mouth. They are all in between my teeth because? Yeap. I purchased floss immediately after seeing my $1000 bill.

Hyphy?
I was looking out my office window last week and this van with spinning rims had four boys hanging out the side, speeding down the street. The driver was shaking his dreads so hard that he didn't see the stopped car in front. They swerved and the van rolled 2.5 times. When we ran out to look, the boys jumped out of the van and ran off...Laughing. What's so amazing is that they managed to remember to hold their jeans up while they were running. Damn Africans (in true bitten form, thanks to KZ)!

Fatback, Chubby
This year, I've noticed a hump growing at the end of my neck. It just crept up on me. Now I'm very cautious of it so I wear my hair down to cover it. My shirt gets stuck in the hump and I look like a hunchback. It hurts too. I think it's where I carry all my stress...and newly absorbed fat.

Vertigo
While in my office last Friday, I passed out. When I came to, I couldn't walk. I was dizzy and started vomiting. My staff called 911 and when they arrived, I couldn't walk. "There's only two of us mam and we're not strong enough to carry you. We don't want to have to call another ambulance to take us if we try to lift you." Yes. That's what the scrawny white boy told me. I was too sick to fight back and I collapsed on the floor again when I tried to walk. One of my staff lifted me on the gurney. I was told that three of my staff told him off for me and one reported them to their ambulance agency. When I got to the hospital, Dr. J's friend was there. He completely ignored, which I was very thankful for because I was in my workout clothes and my hair was in a pony tail (exposing my fatback). They told me I either have vertigo or I'm stressed out and need to slow down. I've concluded it's the latter.

Fassss AISS
The young girl I mentioned in a couple of earlier blogs is doing alright. I spend time with her weekly and enrolled her into a summer girls program to keep her off the street. I was leaving the office at about 7pm yesterday and I saw her walking with a group of guys. She had on a skimpy tank top and cut off booty shorts. She doesn't even have a shape to fill the clothes in. I pulled over and made her get into the car. She claims her new boyfriend was in the group and they were on their way to his friends house. She was pissed that I made her get in the car and I actually felt guilty for pissing her off. So I took her to Micky D's and spent a little more time with her. I dropped her off at her aunt's apartment in Berkeley. When I got there four guys were leaving her apartment.

Gus
I'm ridiculously addicted to my video ipod. I listen while I'm driving, at work and when I go to bed. I got an e-mail earlier this month from someone asking me what I listen to. Right now it's anything N'dea Davenport. One of her songs with the Headhunters (tip toe) is in heavy rotation. If anyone out there knows how I can download my porn clips onto Gus, please shoot me an e-mail. I'm serious about that.