THE ART OF DUMBING DOWN

On Saturday, I received a rare invite to watch the Corrales-Castillo fight at my uncles house.

CHUBBY FAMILY HISTORY: For most of my family members, my parents, brother and I have been dubbed, the ones who think they're all that. My paternal family is from West Oakland. My father was the only one of his nine siblings to venture away. When he moved to London, he met my mother, married her and evenutally moved back to the states. It's the 70s, in Oakland, and my Black mother with her thick british accent (and ahead of the time fashion sense) was now transplanted to thrive among my father's family (who've managed to stay within a 20-mile radius all their lives) who viewed her as a stuck up alien. They isolated her and eventually my father. My mother has no relatives here at all, so it was very hard for her. It still is. To make a long drama short, any accomplishments my parents achieved, only caused my father's family to distance us farther from them. When I was younger, my father would prep my brother and I before we went to family functions.

"When they ask you something, keep it short and don't be too descriptive. You'll hurt their feelings." Me being my hard headed brattish self, would never listen. But as I got older, I understood and perfected the art of dumbing down.

I arrive solo at my uncles house. He gives me a fake hug (the far away one with two pats on the back) and asks how are things going. Normal response: "I'm doing well. Work is going good and I'm looking forward to my vacation..." DUMB DOWN: "Just working and living."

I walk into the living room and am greeted by stares from the rest of my family. My parents haven't arrived yet, so I'm on my own. I take a seat next to a female cousin. She scans my clothes, then returns my fake smile. "I heard you got into a car accident?" I exhale and go into detail about the accident. Another cousin sees us talking and joins in on the conversation. We all begin to loosen our guards. Then she asks me, "So did you get another car?" shit.
Normal response: Yes, I got a 2004 Mercedes. I figure if I'm going to pay a car note every month, I might as well get something I will be happy driving. DUMB DOWN: "Yes. I just got a used car."

The conversation switches to work. They volunteer as crossing guards for their kids elementary school. They both don't work and receive disability compensation...They are both in their mid 30s and look perfectly fine to me. I listen to them talk about the wonderful world of cross guard and how hard it is dealing with difficult drivers and children who don't listen to them and dart out in the street before they give them the signal. Then one asks me, "Don't you work with people with AIDS?" Normal response: "I run an HIV prevention agency. Our goal is to try and stop the spread of HIV/AIDS among Blacks and Hispanics..." DUMB DOWN: "Yes, something like that."

She told me about some big bar-b-que they threw for my cousin because he got out of jail. I just don't get it. Pookie gets out of jail and it's cause for celebration. My brother graduates from college and he's a stuck up show off.

My parents arrive.
HA-LAY-LEW-JAH!
They immediately find a spot near me and we conversate with each other. My aunt plops next to me and she starts touching my hair. "How you get your hair to do that? Is that those dread locks?" I give her the short version as she looks at my hair in disgust. Then she says. "I couldn't walk out the house with all my hair all over the place like that. I make sure I get a touch-up every month..." The cousins I was talking with earlier are now snickering. Normal repsonse: "They are not locks, you stupid fuck and I like my hair just the way it is..." DUMB DOWN: "I guess I just like nappy hair." My mother who has long locks is about to say something and my father nudges her and gives her the, please don't bother nod.

It's sickening when you have to water down yourself for your own family just to make them feel comfortable about their own hang ups. I could understand my peers or people I don't know, but your own family? I know I'm not alone on this one and there's several others who experience the same thing with some of their relatives/friends.

My paternal family strengthens the crab in a barrel theory. It's not a good feeling when it's my own blood that makes me feel bad for having and achieving goals and no one should water down what they've accomplished or believe in to pacify people simply because it's foreign to them.

Exhhhaaaaaalllle. Whew! I feel better now.