SLUMPED CATHARSIS
I'm happy with myself. I enjoy life and all that. But I want more. I'm not talking about men or new dick...SOMETHING. I don't know what it is. I feel that I'm ready for the next level after establishing myself: I believe I can say that I'm established. I'm supporting myself (and my lazy ass brother in some ways) and I have a career, I'm healthy, happy (most of the times), I'm comfortable in my own skin, I'm much better at expressing myself/ feelings, I appreciate the little things in my microcosm, down to the fact that I am able to do simple things (walk, talk, hear) that other's would give anything to do. So what's next? I don't know what that next step is. There's so many things that I want to do and I feel as if I'm nowhere near obtaining them and I don't have the drive to even start.
I called the only person I could vent to and shared with her my frustration. Her response solidified the reason why I'm deleting numbers from my cell phone. She told me I'm complaining about nothing. "You have that good job, things that show your hard work, you have your health, you;re young and attractive. That's not good enough?" Then she invited me to go to church with her next Sunday. She believes the answer to my slump is to be saved? Holy Roller Heifer. I need to delete her number. Maybe I need to switch up my routine. Catch a movie in the middle of the week, visit my parents, don't wait until weekends to do weekend things. I could go for a walk around the lake, get a dog...Who in the hell am I kidding?
What am I pining over? Maybe it's time to go back to school. If I get rejected for the CDC fellowship in Atlanta, then I'll enroll in grad school. OK, that's something, isn't it? Then why do I still feel like shit?
Please let 30 be better than 29.
posted by Chubby Chocolate @ 5:13 PM
15 Comments:
At 7:14 PM,
Organized Noise said…
That Quarter Life Crisis is legit. I've been going through it for two years now. There has got to be a cure for it.
At 6:23 AM,
cassy said…
I was just thinking some of this same stuff the other day. When will I feel like a grow-up and settled, like someone my age should?
I don't have the answers for ya. LMK when you figure it out.
At 8:41 AM,
PAINKEY said…
I spent a little time contemplating what to say or if I had the answer to give ya...but I didnt have any. Sorry! I think you should go out for a night out on the town with your girls, have a blast put your all into having fun. Thats what I would do. Just say Fuck it ;) Dont go with the ones you consider HOlly Rollers, they will keep at you about church and thats something nobody can force on you. Its best you go with your girls who dont give a shit and want to be out, cuz
"GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN"
now I have that song in my head ;)
Keep your head up, you got a lot going for you from what I read, you do good with your time and your job seems to be very fullfilling in the fact that what you do helps people. You have a no man to hold u back, no kids either, no pets to worry about feeding or potty training, you have a nice car, from your lil pic, you are very pretty, and you have confidence to match it. Take all that and add some fun and adventures and hopefully you got your solution.
Good Luck ;)
At 11:04 AM,
Blah Blah Blah said…
Now I know this going to sound like some bullshit...but buy a dog. Cat's are to finicky and turtles die (Pollo & Carne are no longer with me), but doggies...well there is that saying...dog's are man's bestfriend. Love him, pamper him, name him something 'licious, feed him from the table, let him lick on your tosies and late at night let him lay up and cuddle while watching late night movies...take him for walks and warn him about those bitches that be in heat.
You have alot going for you Chubbsie...all you need is for someone to love you and for you to love something... Men will come and go...but Binkles the teacup doggie will be your friend, a good listner, a playmate...your baby.
Everybody has those down periods when life in general seems less fulfilling once you've reached your goal...so you set more goals and you accomplish those....and so on. Overall though, YOU know what you want, where you want to be, you have the ambition to get there and....at the end of the day, you have touched ppl...like me who depend on your blog to brighten our day.
Your a good read...and you know this maaan!
At 11:17 AM,
Knockout Zed said…
Hey CC,
I've been there and am, in a sense, still there. I went to grad school. It didn't help. Two years ago I actually thought about pursuing my doctorate. Decided against it. At 34, I'm still working through it.
You could actually go to a different church each week and count hypocrites.
KZ
At 11:35 AM,
LadyLee said…
Just a phase, CC... I'm 35 now, and I've been through all of that... ESPECIALLY around the age of 30... Didn't know WTF I wanted to do with myself. (Yeah, and I did the whole grad school thing before then... got the Doctorate 2 years prior-- I must say, doesn't magically change a damn thing...)
A rut is what it is... A RUT. You'll get through it. Like me, you'll look back on it and laugh, hopefully.
At 6:21 PM,
Haley said…
Any answer that starts with..."turn to god..." or "try going to church.." etc.. piss me off too. I won't get into my anti-religious tangents..but MY GOD help me. haha
Something missin' huh Chubbs..well, ya know.. just live it..and it will come to you.. right before your own eyes.
Okay enough of my damn therapy sessions... I know you're not asking for my advice..I just kinda like to give it. Haha.
I think you are a very established, successful woman. I look up to you and hope to have what you have accomplished by the time I am 29. Eight and a half years to do it.. Wonder if I will?
Haley
At 7:29 PM,
Chubby Chocolate said…
@Organized Noise
When you find the cure, please let me know.
@Painkey
That's what I plan to do tomorrow night! If anything juicy goes down, I'll share!
@1979
You're right about a more meaningful relationship...I'll get the dog.
@Alli-Babe
I'm gettin' the DOG!!!
@Zed
HA! Counting Hypos @ church? I LOVE YOU!
@Ladylee
Thanks for that. I always seem to forget that sooner or later, this shitty feeling will be a thing of the past.
@Insane
PLEASE WRITE A BOOK!
@Haley
You're so right about that-Just live it. I need to make that my new mantra.
At 12:29 PM,
SP said…
I'm going through my mid-life crisis right now and I'm not even 30 yet! My thing is, you have to do what is going to make you happy. No one can tell you what to do if it wasn't in your heart anyway. You'll get through this.
At 3:17 AM,
Butterfly Jones said…
Chubby, chubby, chubby. As you've read you're not alone. I think this feeling comes to people who want much out of life, and are not prepared to settle for mediocrity. Be still, and you're path will reveal itself. Look after Chubby, a little pampering goes a long way. I'd love to have a dog, but it's not allowed where I live, so get a West Highland Terrier for me girl! Holla!
At 10:46 PM,
brooklyn babe said…
30 won't be no better than 29, if you don't start to change the one thing that will always keep your behind..... YOUR MIND! Breathe. the only way to eat a elephant is one bite at a time.... (guess you just got find that elephant now)
*smile*
PS Deleting number is good, I just got rid of a bunch. New thang for me.
At 4:04 PM,
Ming Houser, Realtor said…
Ok, you have finally put a name to what I've been feeling. I'm not enthusiastic about anything, but I feel like I should be doing something more.I wish I had some words of comfort, but I can't get right myself. Perhaps we should start a support group for people over 25...Maybe we can help each other figure this thing out...
At 5:39 PM,
Waddie G. said…
that picture looks like my life sometimes...a fork in the middle of the road
At 6:26 PM,
MsPerdie said…
I'm going through the same thing. Don't know what it is, but I keep telling myself that it'll pass. Hopefully!
At 9:50 PM,
ChezNiki said…
Hey Gurl!
Just before my 30th birthday, I was a certified MESS. I was madly in love with a married man, studying for the bar exam (again), getting used to my new afro (had just cut my dreds out), growing my fibroid (that later had to be surgically removed)and not speaking to my mother...but I was determined to do something to make my thirtieth memorable and fun! I wanted to do something(s) I had never done before...so I went to Coney Island and rode the Cyclone; then I took myself on a "Tourist Date" to Times Square; got my picture sketched by a street artist; and took myself for dinner at the All-Star Cafe. Every year since then(Im now 38), I celebrate my '29 Again' Birthday...throw myself a party or travel to a city I've never been to. After age thirty, I find you can be more of yourself. You dont have to be a good girl, or a good daughter, or a good student, or a good wife/mother. The pressure is off and you can just celebrate being more of your true self and make yourself happy. Sorry this is so long. Feel free to go to my blog and take up a lot of space...LOL
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