MY MOBILE MICROCOSM

When I'm in my car, I'm in my own world.

When all the windows are rolled up, they serve as a protective shield that makes me invisible to the world. I sing my aissss off... and I mean the type of singing when you make those putrid, screw face singing looks, feeeeeeling every note. I dig for buried treasures in my nose. I ugly cry. I talk and laugh with myself. I adjust my midgets. I fart. I scratch my cootchie when it itches (you know, after you've waxed, or shaved and the hair starts growing back). After a long meeting, I can't wait to get to my car and take off my public mask and exhale. It's like a home away from home.

I become completely oblivious to anything outside my roving planet and pay no attention to anyone looking in...Until this morning.

I was on my way home from the gym. I was blasting MC Lytes, Shut the Eff Up. This album came out when I was in Jr. high. I played that tape so much that it warped. To this day, I know every word, every break, every scratch on every song. Anyway, I'm rapping with Lyte, just as loud as I wanna be, which was quite safe, because I'm in the confinement of my car. I'm zooming down the freeway, doing the wop and emphasizing every, "God Damn Hoe, Shut the Fuck up!" with a bitch slap in the air (Bitch slap is when you angle your hand up and strike down, very different from a pimp slap which is a back hand, straight across motion).

Then my nose started itching on the inside. I start probing and I pinpoint the suspect. It was WAAAAAAY up there, which required much concentration. So I'm digging, digging. Completely focused on getting it out. I get it and I do what every other person does after doing all that work...View your buried treasure. So I'm looking at it and my peripheral sight is invaded by rapid movement. I look to my left and I see a GEORGEOUS man, looking right at me laughing his ass off. Now usually, I'd be completely humiliated, but as I stated before, I'm in my car. Just because he's looking in, doesn't mean I have to ackowledge that he's caught me digging in my damn nose. He's laughing like a hyena, rocking back and forth. I just look at him, roll my eyes and continue in my karaoke-mobile.

I reach my exit. He's following me. I get to the intersection and he pulls up beside me and motions for me to roll my window down. I obey like an idiot and he tells me: "I've been driving beside you for a while. Thank you for that laugh! You've just made my Monday morning a great one!" How in the hell am I supposed to respond to that? He doesn't wait for one and he rolls up the window and hops back on the freeway, laughing like an idiot.

Always putting a smile on someone's face due to my embarassing moments...