GOOGLE-JACKED!

I'm bored. There's nothing on my non-cable boob tube. I decide to play around online. I googled myself to see what would come up and the usual work related items pop up. I wonder if there's a picture of me online? I type in my name and click, "Image". I can't believe it. There's a picture! Wait...Someone else's picture. What in the? Who would do something like this? I'm confused.
I don't believe that there are ugly people in the world, but she looks NOTHING like me.

HELP!!! What do I do? It's not me! If someone were to google me, her shit compacted, constipated face pops up!! I can't believe this!

I'm so mortified...

Where do I turn? Who, what, where?!!!

I'M DISCOMBOBULATED! DISCOMBOBULATED!
OVERLOAD! OVERLOAD!
ABORT! ABORT!

What makes it even more fucked up is that I actually know who the person is but I haven't spoken to her in eons and don't plan on re-connecting with her...So what in the hell do I do?!!
I can't believe this shit!

AAAAAHHHHRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!!

In my panic state, I found the "contact us" number for google's website. I call, am placed on hold for ages and finally someone answers the phone.

"Yes. When I googled myself, someone else's picture shows up."
"So?"
"So, that person is not me and it needs to be taken off."
"There's nothing we can do about that. It's a free country."
"True,but I don't look like that and if someone googles me, they are going to think it's me....But it's not."
"Mam, nothing illegal is going on here. It's not like your the only person with your name."
"Oh, believe me, I am the only person with my name. I know who the person is and there's a big mistake."
"Google can't do anything about that." Click.

Did this bitch just hang up on me? I guess I deserved that.

I go on the website that has my name on it with her picture, and I e-mail Ms. fecal impaction to let her know that she should remove my name from her website being that I haven't spoken to her in years and it's a ghost website. Do I get a reply from her? Of course the fuck not! I'm going to keep checking to see if she removed my name from her site. I can't believe this shit!!!!

(In my Color Purple, Sophia voice) "If der's a gawd up abuv, pleeesze don't let no boty google me, dear lawd...."